Wednesday, 09 May 2012 00:00

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti – Haitian officials were baffled this week when they discovered that a typographical error officially named Flaurent Mamothe, a six-year-old boy from Léogane, as the next prime minister.

According to lawmakers, a clerical error has resulted in Flaurent Mamothe appearing instead of Laurent Lamothe in the final ratification draft.

Tuesday, 24 April 2012 00:00

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti – In a devastating blow to Haiti's recovery hopes, President Michel Martelly revealed today that he has lost a groundbreaking document containing all the answers to the nation's economic woes.

According to Martelly, the document held revolutionary ideas no one previously thought of to resolve, almost instantly, every crisis the country is currently facing.

Friday, 13 April 2012 00:00

SANTO DOMINGO, DR – Citing an increasingly frustrating and polarizing political climate in Port-au-Prince, the masterminds behind an alleged coup d'état plot announced Friday that they have called off plans to overthrow President Michel Martelly.

"It is with heavy regret we announce that our plot to bring down the Martelly administration has been cancelled indefinitely," a statement from the masterminds read in part. "In the end, we came to realize how excruciatingly difficult it would be to work with Parliament."

Wednesday, 04 April 2012 00:00

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti – Although the opposition plans to block all of his legislative agenda, Laurent Lamothe told reporters that he is nonetheless "beyond thrilled" to serve as Haiti's next prime minister.

"I cannot tell you how excited I am," Lamothe, who will not complete any of his key domestic programs due to constant parliament obstruction, told a dozen reporters who gathered to hear him speak. "If ratified, I'm eager to help my country overcome one of the most difficult periods in its history."