Organizers Cancel Plans To Overthrow Martelly Citing Dysfunctional Parliament

SANTO DOMINGO, DR  Citing an increasingly frustrating and polarizing political climate in Port-au-Prince, the masterminds behind an alleged coup d'état plot announced Friday that they have called off plans to overthrow President Michel Martelly.

"It is with heavy regret we announce that our plot to bring down the Martelly administration has been cancelled indefinitely," a statement from the masterminds read in part. "In the end, we came to realize how excruciatingly difficult it would be to work with Parliament."

International News: U.S. Touts Canada To Reduce Number Of Illegal Immigrants

WASHINGTON, DC  In its latest effort to dramatically shrink the illegal population, the United States has launched a major marketing push designed to promote Canada as a more appealing choice to undocumented migrants.

"We are pleased to kick off this campaign," said Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano at a press conference. "Our aim is to inform as many unauthorized residents as possible that Canada is a much better country to be and live in."

MINUSTAH Offers To Guard Haiti's Beaches After Mandate Expires

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti  Sources at the National Palace confirmed that the United Nations Stabilization Mission in Haiti (MINUSTAH) leaders met privately with President Michel Martelly and lawmakers, offering to watch over Haiti's exotic beaches after its mandate expires in October.

"We have opened the doors to talks," said Mariano Fernandez Amunategui the head of MINUSTAH, a peacekeeping mission that has been in operation in Haiti since 2004. "As soon as our mandate ends, our forces are ready to help protect Haiti's coastline, notably its spectacular sandy beaches."

PM-Designate Laurent Lamothe Excited About Agenda Opposition Will Never Let Him Implement

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti  Although the opposition plans to block all of his legislative agenda, Laurent Lamothe told reporters that he is nonetheless "beyond thrilled" to serve as Haiti's next prime minister.

"I cannot tell you how excited I am," Lamothe, who will not complete any of his key domestic programs due to constant parliament obstruction, told a dozen reporters who gathered to hear him speak. "If ratified, I'm eager to help my country overcome one of the most difficult periods in its history."

Rejected Slogans For Haiti

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti - The Tourism Ministry invited all Haitians to create a new slogan for the country. The contest, which ended March 31st, yielded hundreds of submissions. Many questionable suggestions were turned down. What were some of the REJECTED entries?

Haiti’s Tourism Ministry Urges Diaspora To Bring At Least 5 People With Them On Each Trip To Haiti

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti - Calling on the Diaspora to also do their part, Haitian tourism officials are advising their fellow countrymen and women living abroad to bring at least 5 companions along on every visit to Haiti.

"Reviving our struggling tourism industry remains a Herculean task. We can't do it all alone," said Tourism Minister Stephanie Villedrouin. "That's why we're urging all Haitians visiting their homeland to come with at least 5 tourists. It could be 5 friends or 5 co-workers. Or both. It's really up to you."

According to Villedrouin, the new campaign is designed to breathe new life into the sagging tourism sector and introduce non-Haitians to the Caribbean nation.

"With your help, visitors will discover Haiti's rich history and breathtaking natural beauty," said Villedrouin. "While you can bring as many guests as you'd like, we'd strongly recommend 5 as a bare minimum."