Parliament Postpones Ratification Of Lamothe's Girlfriend

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti – In a political and romantic blow to Prime Minister Laurent Lamothe, the first attempt to ratify his girlfriend, supermodel Petra Nemcova, was postponed indefinitely by parliament.

Parliament Preemptively Censures Arnel Belizaire

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti – Citing Deputy Arnel Belizaire's history of erratic and degrading behavior, lawmakers in Haiti's parliament took pre-emptive action against Belizaire, voting unanimously to censure him for future inappropriate acts.

"It may be next week or next month, but one thing we know for certain is that Belizaire will engage in some act unbecoming of an elected official," said Levaillant Louis-Jeune, chairman of the adjudicatory committee, describing the rare move. "Today's vote expresses in advance our strong disapproval of the reprehensible actions Belizaire will commit in the near future."

Haiti Parliament Members Admit They’re Too Short-Staffed To Cause Gridlock

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti – Saying they are grossly understaffed to cause political gridlock, members of parliament issued a strongly worded statement today calling on President Michel Martelly to hurry up and organize elections.

According to lawmakers, the government's failure to establish a Permanent Electoral Council (CEP)  the entity responsible for conducting elections has left one third of the 30 Senate seats vacant for more than a year, resulting in an alarming decrease in legislative gridlock.

Due To Typo, Parliament Ratifies Flaurent Mamothe, A Six-Year-Old From Léogane

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti  Haitian officials were baffled this week when they discovered that a typographical error officially named Flaurent Mamothe, a six-year-old boy from Léogane, as the next prime minister.

According to lawmakers, a clerical error has resulted in Flaurent Mamothe appearing instead of Laurent Lamothe in the final ratification draft.