PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti – In a devastating blow to Haiti's recovery hopes, President Michel Martelly revealed today that he has lost a groundbreaking document containing all the answers to the nation's economic woes.
According to Martelly, the document held revolutionary ideas no one previously thought of to resolve, almost instantly, every crisis the country is currently facing.
"Solutions to rebuild our infrastructure, wipe out unemployment, reform education, you name it," said a visibly distraught Martelly. "They were all in there."
National Palace officials informed reporters that the ideas were the result of a sudden epiphany experienced by Martelly. The moment, which lasted about 2 to 3 hours, officials said, yielded dozens of novel approaches to successfully put an end to the nation's difficulties virtually overnight.
"We didn't want to interrupt this extraordinarily rare event," said Prime Minister-Designate Laurent Lamothe, who along with cabinet members and staffers, waited anxiously outside Martelly's office. "But then [Martelly] came out, he just looked at us and said, 'I have bad news.'"
A solemn Martelly explained that he dutifully recorded his brilliant thoughts to his computer as they were being generated. But because of a careless mistake, the document vanished.
"I accidentally closed the file before saving it," said Martelly. "And now, they're all gone. Literally, hundreds of simple yet cutting-edge methods that would have brought us unprecedented peace and prosperity instantaneously."
"I've searched everywhere for the file," added Martelly who cannot recollect any of the ideas that came to him. "But, it's not coming up."
Despite administration officials' repeated attempts to comfort the president, Martelly refuses to forgive himself.
"There is no one else to blame but me," said Martelly. "This was going to immediately change our fortunes. And now that may take years, all because I forgot to click the stupid save button."
By AWeb Design
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